35. A VERY Deep Tissue Massage
Amy rolls to her right, splashing into a big trough of water. “I'm not sure if this'll help,” she thinks, “but it'll buy me some time, and anything has to be better than hot stones.”
Amy has only a few seconds to think of a way out of her situation when Stacy fishes her out of the trough. Stacy picks Amy up by the ankle, dangling her upside-down above the trough.
“Oh, right, good idea!” says Stacy, “You should clean up before your massage. Alright, get ready for my super-deluxe expert deep tissue massage!”
Amy is once again slammed onto the table and mentally prepares herself for the manhandling she is about to receive. Whatever Amy does to prepare, however, it's not nearly enough. Stacy starts with Amy's left side, and as soon as Stacy lays hands on Amy a rib cracks.
“AAAAAAAGGHGH!” screams Amy.
“Oh, that's totally normal,” offers Stacy (Amy has had deep tissue massages before; it isn't), “That's, just, like, your bones snapping back into place,” (It's not), “It's supposed to hurt,” (It is, but not this badly), “but afterward you'll feel SOOOOOO good!” (She won't).
Amy proceeds to kneed, not just Amy's muscles, but also her bones and internal organs. Stacy, of course, knows nothing of massage and simply presses wherever she can, as hard as she can in whatever direction she cares to. Finally, Stacy announces “All done!”
Amy now resembles a giant lump of pizza dough, her various features, face, butt, breasts, legs, arms, all now mashed together in seemingly random order. Amy's eyes are crossed from the immense pain she just went through. Fortunately for her, she died quite a while ago.
The semi-solid ball of Amy slowly drips off the massage table and splats, face-down, onto the ground below.
“See?” smiles Stacy, “now you're TOTALLY relaxed!”
Amy is in no condition to continue this adventure or her life.