96. Amy Makes an Ass of Herself
“Wait, stop!” Amy throws up her hands, palms exposed, in an attempt to convince the older gentleman that she is no threat, “I’m terribly sorry for laughing, I just thought of something funny entirely unrelated to you.”
The older gentleman lowers his gun slightly, but keeps it at the ready. Sensing she’s getting somewhere, Amy continues:
“Yes, well, um, I was just admiring your, ah, deportment and wondering whom you might be?”
The man guffaws, “Anyone who is meant to be in this house would surely know that I am Colonel Tulkinghorn, hero of the third Sepoy rebellion and honored house guest of Master Stephenson. Now, I’ll do my host the favor of removing an unwanted guest!”
Amy’s eyes widen as the Colonel raises his rifle once again. Her mouth hangs open as she raises the index finger of her right hand, as though trying to make a point.
“Now, wait a minute! If you’ll just spea-”
BOOM!
The Colonel’s gun goes off with a mighty roar and, in a puff of smoke, remove’s Amy’s head, shoulders, and a circular chunk of her chest from her body. Amy’s body and her extended right arm remain where they were for a moment; the torso standing in a nervous posture, the arm floating in mid-air, one finger extended. At last, they both fall to the ground, the torso's knees collapsing as it folds to the ground, the arm bouncing on the floor, making a squishy PLOP! sound.
“Harumph! What sort of an ass doesn’t know Colonel Tulkinghorn!” At that the Colonel’s lip twists upward in a cruel smile. Suddenly he has an idea of what sort of trophy he can make of his now-headless prize.
The next night, the various animal heads on the wall are joined by a new prize: a young woman’s waist and loins, bedecked in a pair of heart-print panties, buttocks pointed outward. Beneath the mounted ass sits a plaque: “The Great North American Bimbo (Endangered by its Own Stupidity)”
Amy is clearly in no condition to continue this adventure or her life.